It’s reality check time. If you’re like me (and if you’re reading this, odds are good that we’ve got some things in common) it’s possible—in fact, likely—that your life is being run by a willful child who might not have your best interests in mind.
But there’s good news. You can change that in a moment and let your soul shine through.
Trapped by safety
We all learn early in life to adapt to our surroundings. To stay safe. As children we create an Identity that facilitates feelings of safety. As we mature, the Identity is reinforced by a sense of belonging and becomes entrenched through outside affirmation. The Identity, created to keep us safe, starts to believe it IS the real ‘you’ and it works hard to stay in control. All the while your soul yearns for expression.
So, how does one close the gap created by an Identity with an overblown sense of importance and a soul hiding in the fringes?
Listen for your Identity, listen to your Soul
The key is to recognize, analyze and embrace the tools that the Identity uses. One tool is the Unexamined Thought which is the language of the Identity (a lot like the ‘shoulds’ and ‘ought to’s’) that are signs of an Identity that’s overshadowing the soul.
Getting to the root of the problem
The Unexamined Thought that hampers your growth can be hard to identify and boil down. It helps to work with a good coach to get to the root of the problem. By systematically looking at behaviors that pop up again and again, and talking through the situations that trigger those behaviors with your coach it becomes easier to identify the Unexamined Thoughts consistent in your life.
Here’s one way it worked for me:
“Diminishing my gifts”
I recently discovered I have a powerful talent for intuitive readings. But, instead of simply giving the reading, I started by explaining to my clients that what I was about to tell them might not make sense. Turns out… it always makes sense to them. I was not trusting my talent and presenting it from a place of power. Instead, I was robbing my own message of its impact by how I was delivering it.
It didn’t feel safe to be powerful
Once I identified this Unexamined Thought (dissipate my power) it resonated. That’s a great sign that you’ve hit on the right path in identifying your OWN Unexamined Thought. Or here’s another… suddenly you don’t understand what anyone is talking about. If this begins to happen, your Identity is blocking your understanding. The Identity is STRONG and has a vested interest in remaining the dominant voice in your story. Remember, the Identity has been protecting you for years and it takes its job very, very seriously.
Here’s how one of my Unexamined Thoughts was created:
“What are we going to do with her?”
As a precocious kid, I was… challenging. I always wanted-no, I needed-to know why; if your reason didn’t make sense to me, chances are I wouldn’t go along with you. As an adult, this has helped me be successful in my work as a transformation coach… but it wasn’t easy to deal with in a kid.
Stop being so sensitive
I’m also very empathic and sensitive to my environment, so I picked up easily on the tension caused by my strong-willed ‘noncompliance.’ I (my Identity) learned how to manage this. What worked best for me was to diffuse the energy, or to put another way… to dissipate my power.
And there’s the Unexamined Thought
As a child, my Identity created an awesome tool for me to feel safe in the world… to constantly diffuse the energy created around me. It worked then, but as an adult, that tool is very disempowering.
Identifying the Unexamined Thought is just the first step. Once recognized, the uncomfortable work begins. This is the work that will help bridge the Identity Gap and let your Soul take the lead.
What is your Unexamined Thought costing you?
What are you gaining by keeping that thought? Even if your Identity initially got the ball rolling years ago, there’s some reason that you continue to adhere to it. You simply WOULD NOT be doing/thinking an ‘awful idea’ if you weren’t getting a payoff.
Back to my Unexamined Thought… Diffusing Energy/Power. It was costing me plenty, but what was the benefit that kept me returning to it? For me, I tried to control the readings—I am a control freak, you know—by providing disclaimers (“this might not make sense… “). Doing so put me in a place of power by directing the situation, and thus the payoff was getting to be powerful. But here’s the problem: it is a disempowering sort of powerful. It worked great for me as a kid, but was really in my way as an adult. And not just in this situation—in every situation!
Here’s where the magic happens:
If you are ready and willing to let go of your Unexamined Thought and embrace this part of yourself, you are primed for a miracle.
By taking the time to asses what the Unexamined Thought is actually costing you and comparing that to the benefit it becomes easy(er) to let go of the idea.
For myself, I let go of the thought and immediately – on a dime – transformed my life.
Dealing with the Unexamined Thought
- Pay attention to behaviors/thought patterns that happen over and over
- Identify the root of the pattern (work with a coach to really get this point!)
- Assess the benefit and the cost of continuing to engage in the behavior/thought pattern
- Embrace the behavior/thought pattern as a gift from your Identity that was geared to protect you and no longer needed
- Let go and get ready to
- Claim your power
- Shift the foundation of your relationships for the better
- Remove the blocks that are keeping you from being the fullness of you
Healing in an instant
I let the thoughts go. I’ve transformed. Now I am owning my power and living powerfully. My life is at least 10 times easier than it was before.
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